Hypochondriacal inclinations are, (like everything else in SE Asia), magnified. As I write this on the banks of the Nam Khan River, huge blue and gold butterfly’s flap past,
enormous, dappled, layered, cloud covered mountain ranges loom,
elephants trumpet (seriously, there are several sanctuaries within trumpeting distance) and mosquitos and stinging insects the size of Volkswagens hang like vultures in the air eyeing off the luscious flesh of elderly hippies.
It’d be easy to get a little paranoid about your health. And so, having dedicated my life to following the path of least resistance, I did just that.
Just last night T’was a dark…and yes….stormy night as we lay abed on our last night in Luang Prabang before heading to the jungle and as I tossed and turned, fumbled and twitched I noticed, on the last joint before the tip on the little finger of my left hand…A LUMP !
” Holy Mary Mother of God ” I said to myself, (as you do.) This is it ! The last round-up ! The final muster ! Baby Jesus is calling and its my phone he’s ringing.
Was I ready to take the call ?
I looked at my lovely wife slumbering next to me, too young to be a widow. Duane Allman’s sublime version of Amazing Grace came to mind.
I slept restlessly, muttering inanities and clinging to cliches, “Ah well, it’s been a good run” etc, that kind of thing. Suddenly all the big questions swam clearly into focus.
Now that my eyebrows were gone could I have an open coffin service ? Would the mortician be able to paint on realistic eyebrows ?
I seemed to go stiff, was rigor Morris setting in already ?
Then, whilst penning my own obituary for the Sydney Morning Herald, I noticed the stance I invariably adopt when wrestling with the patented hand held electronic interweb enabling device.
There it is, with all of it’s apple-icious weight resting, yes on the last joint of my pinkie. Phew ! Reason has temporarily resumed it’s throne.
All is well dear friends…hang on a minute…whats that red spot doing on my leg ?
Always remember, particularly if these posts are
giving you the runs.