How to Make an Elephant

Gentle readers, whilst conducting our usual probingly intensive research for this National Geographic style article we came across many images of passionate pachyderms going at it hammer and tusk, making sweet sweet love pictured from the side on and,…take our word for it,  it’s not a sight that once seen can ever be unseen.

As a result, (and in the interests of common decency), our feature picture depicts these saggy baggy love machines from front on…and even then, as Kristen remarks, that boy elephant is obviously pretty pleased with himself, ears pinned back, waiting to make a trunk call (boom-boom) to his mates.  All he needs is a cigarette to make the picture complete.

Reflective digressions on animal behaviour aside lets transport ourselves into the mind of a gormless and rather dim witted child, (for most of us it’s a disappointingly short journey).

Timmy:  Daddy, how are elephants made ?

Daddy:  (clears his throat, loosens his tie and says), Well Timmy, when a gentleman elephant and a lady elephant love each other very, very much….

Yes, we know !  That’s the story we all heard and believed.

Imagine our shock then, dear easily impressionable readers, when we were proceeding in a loose and dislocated way down one of the main drags of beautiful Vientiane and saw…..this !

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Yes…a Man…making an elephant !!!

And if this elephant behaves and consumes his several hundred pound a day of palm fronds, bushes, trees, roots, fruit and bark he may grow up to be this somewhat anatomically incorrect but still proud temple guardian.

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